Wednesday, August 22, 2007


don't like be depressive..
and can't hold on to depressive mood..
Sandy asked me What??
maybe nothing maybe.. a lot..
we better not to take credit over misfortunes.. bad news..

I am leaving for a holiday..
hope that I will feel better.. and write happier..
when back..

sea.. sun.. beach..
trees and silence..

Sunday, August 19, 2007

feeling.. listening..

good morning..
and friends..
hope you have a better weekend then me..

another awkward day..
making me feel like a stranger....
a tv channel has been attacked..
by people reacting to the name of a dog .. at a serial..
this is common human name..
which also was the name of one of the chalifs..

hundreds of people went to the main building of the channel where many people were working at this time..
protesting.. shouting.. and they were stopped by police force..
who had to use gas bombs..
the channel has promessed to make excuses at the news .. and they went away..
the aggression of the crowds.. is becoming more prominent..
they disturbed me..
they stressed me..

access to the wordpress internet site was blocked by the turkish telecom.. for one day..
the director of wordpress declared ''I didn’t realize turkey had a great firewall like china. this is really unfortunate because we have a really passionate turkish community that gets about 12 million pageviews a month''

the freedom of writing/reading could not be that vulnerable..
if something wrong was detected.. warning could be made.. words.. against words.. not blockade.. not forbidding..

I.. who have explained to my kids..
even when they were 2 yrs old..
why they shouldn't do something..
for hours..
never.. saying forbidden..

I .. feel awkward..
I am laughing.. but inside.. I feel stressed..
tip of the iceberg feeling..
will I wake up one day
and see no access to the internet..
heavy censuring on the media..
I don't know..
this makes me feel unsecure..

in my simple personal life..
I am ok..
going out..
discussing with my young friends..
having lots of time with my kids..
making preparations for school time..
dreaming about a late vacation to my summer house..

maybe I shouldn't listen to the news..
they affect me deeply..but then I wouldn't learn.. what's happening..

do you like the music..
this is a turkish rock group..
I can't give my pain away to you..

we can't..
maybe we can share.. we can try to understand the reason..
but we can't give it away..

Friday, August 17, 2007

a stranger in her own country

It has been a long time I know..
It was something that irritated me too..
a blogger who stops writing with no known reasons..
I believe this is ..
because we care about people we know...
and we start to know people .. their thoughts.. and their life.. byreading their posts..and by viewing their photos..
so I started to worry when someone stopped writing..
especially when the last post indicated to some problems.. like mine..

well I am not sure I will be writing every day..
but I will go on blogging as frequently as I can..
about how I feel and live nowadays..

I first want to thank to you all for your comments to my last post.. showing your affection ..
I told you there were some public reactions about the government in my country..
reactions of those who are feeling and living as modern world's citizens..
the election of the president has not been possible under the circumstances ..
so there has been a general election on the 22 th of july..

It was not a surprise for me ..
although we were hoping a democtatic and laicist parliement majority..
to see the results..

Our hopes faded in the evening of the election day..
the results were clear..
1 people on two.. voted for AKP..
well .. we used to say.. how happy it is to say..''I am turkish '' ( a motto of the first days of the republic.. just to unite all ethnic and religious groups and to create a nation )
now we say how happy you are .. to the 1/2..

Here are the results of the elections..
AKP (islamist): 340 is the majority..
CHP(social democrate): 112
MHP(nationalist): 71
BAĞIMSIZ(individuals): 27
20 of the individuals united and became the DTP (kurdish) group.. on the 8th of august..
so now the list goes on..
DTP : 20
and individuals 7

now comes the election for the president of the republic..
the canditate is A. Gül..
and I believe he will make it this time..
how happy for them..
and the mills are turning..
how I feel??..

I do agree with Franco Frattini (European Commission - Vice-President Commissioner ) ..
he send a message to the first minister.. saying to take good care of the ''laicist minority''..
yes I was feeling different.. but now I know..
I looked at the conditions to be determined as minority.. it says'' being different in any way from the majority of the country ''
I am part of a minority in my country.. so beware..
why do I feel so??..

well .. for example when I am reading at internet news ( most of the media is under the pressure of the government.. and we worry about the internet service .. we shall see..)
that the Minister of Internal Affairs, eats risotto at an official dinner....
likes it very much and..
while telling his appreciation to the cook .. l
earns there is wine within the risotto..
throws away the plate and accuses the governer and punishes him by taking his post..
expells him..
I feel awkward..
a stranger in her own country..
that is how I feel..
the photos..
are of the first president of the Republic of Türkiye..Atatürk and his wife and family .. on 1927
and of the candidate for the presidency and his wife and daughter .. on 2007..

how happy they are..