is it a quarter or a whole..

a group..of objects..on my desk..

(well not really at the picture they are .. out..on the garden table .. for a better light )
from left to right..the 25th year of the graduation plate.. from my high school..

the 25th year of the graduation plate from the medical college..

the clock.. from a thrift shop.. staying normally at the .. '' it grows with the time'' part of my garden ..set up at a quarter to twelwe..on purpose.. for this article..

and the 25th year celebration album of one of the famous turkish ethic rock music groups ..one of my favourite's..

the group's name.. is ''ezginin günlüğü'' ..

which means ''diary of music''..

the album's name.. is çeyrek '' quarter''..

various singers have recorded each a song of the group..

they have chosen the song and have performed in their own style of singing.. they made a ''cover'' isn't it the name for it.. re-styling the old songs..

and one of the singers is the young rocker.. I have mentionned before..at an older post..

and who is now at the under protection corner of the blog..

at the right column..

under protection with nadja and a statue..

and who knows with whom else.. in the future..

and..why he is under protection.. well .. I will tell you later..

last saturday we went out for shopping with my daughter.. the bud.. of the older post..

and we have finally acquired it..

coming back home..

it has his place on my desk..

listening to it..and sipping my red vine..
I thought about relativity again..

just because of this name.. a quarter..

a quarter of what..

a quarter of life..

a quarter of professional life..

a quarter of a whole..

or what else??

sometimes I get nervous..

because I have young children for my age..

I was a primare agée already when I had my son..

I was 34 yrs old..and 38 when I had my daughter..

this inflicts me some worries..

will I stay healthy.. and strong until they grow up..

until they become adults..

tell me when is it that.. they become adult..??

at 25??..

they will be graduating from college..

maybe in search for a job..
when my daughter will be 25..

ooh.. no I don't want to calculate..=P..

I will be young enough.. to wear my purple hat.. and my red lipstick..

I can swear.. =)

no no.. I am not getting depressive again..just brain - storming..

none of us is able to see the future..

so there is only hopes..

that they grow up..healthy.. and happy..

and that we.. can see them grow.. and be happy..

and meanwhile we must never forget..

25 could also be.. can be ..

the whole..

of it..

the day after..

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

— (William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2/7)

how do you think was Cindrella feeling..at the end of the ball..
tired and happy..

nope..

she must have felt unhappy.. more then ever..

you don't miss what you don't know..

now she has seen.. another style of life..

she knows the differences..

of being the ball beauty..

and the maid..

why do I always have the awkwardest way of thinking..

about life..

where do they pop-up..

this time I know.. the shoes..

just the shoes..

let's leave her there.. and ..

let's talk about our bloglandia ball ..

being a woman at her golden age =P..

I now how to appreciate every single opportunity to have fun..to be happy..
I don't have time to loose with small problems..

as tubbing feet because of dancing..

aching head.. because of all the champagne I have had..

pain in the neck.. due to too much headbang..

and back.. because of all the swinging and spinning..

I have enjoyed it all..the ambiance.. the moon light..the music.. the dance.. the dancing queens.. and the friendship..
thank you EB for the organization..it has been a real dissertation from daily routine..

Some of you who have been dancing with me..

asked about my very special music playing at the blog..
it is.. Elalem (other people) from gripin (a turkish rock group)..

Explaining the changes happening in life and at the blog I had also mentionned that..

I will play different rock songs in sweet rough voices..

I really like them..and will try to share my preferred ones.. from time to time..
the rock music.. has made a real boom in my country..

It may be because ..

young people have a lot more to protest then we used to do..

it is harder to find an aim..

harder to get concentrated .. to succeed .. all the way to the aim..

coming back home.. my candles were still lit..

the white rainlilies were shining..at the moon and candle light..

I made some more wishes..

sssh.. they are between Chang'e and me..

bloglandia ball and Chang'e

I have always loved ball dresses..
and fancy accessories..
and .. tailor's mannequins..

when I have learned there is a ball project going on..
I loved it..
the idea.. of making my own ball dress and go to bloglandia ball

I have also read about the moon festival.. that Sandy has mentionned..
I learned a lot..
about Chang'e.. and the traditions..
I even have a plan..
of litting lanterns.. and preparing a place for the moon girl..
of putting some toiletries at this place..
under the moonlight.. and wish for.. beauty.. and love.. (more is never enough)..
then I will fly off to the ball..
wearing this dress..
I have designed..
and taken the picture.. while it is still on the tailor's mannequin itself..

I don't have a real sized one..
and even if I had..
I don't do real sewing..
small things..embellishment..refashioning..
that is all I can handle..

but..I have one ideal for holding accessories..
which stands on my dressing table..
I couldn't loose the opportunity of using it..
for this miniature ball dress could I.. and I didn't..

I have also prepared a collar..
a pompom fur collar.. perfect for exaggerating .. =P

a close up to show the details of the model and the material I used to do it..
velvet.. and lace.. and fur.. and black.. love the combination..
a strapless and sequin bordered top..
a baloon mini skirt.. both in velvet..
the lace part goes over the mini skirt part.. and makes the dress romantic..
it goes high and it has a fluffy volume..something I can't wear in real life..
not to show off my gorgeous figure =P..
but a bloglandia ball is the perfect place to be showy..

to go with the dress..a perfect handbag..
and heigh heeled fancy shoes..
not made of crystal..
I am nor cindrella anymore..
but of porcelain..

people..
come from miles around..
to hear the music makers..
bring your friends and children too
to hear the music makers..
have some fun out in the country..
celebrate the music in the open air..

who's song was it..

does anyone remember??

*********

I wish I wish dear Chang'e..
that I this dress be the first of the others to follow..

a weekend's story..

resume...
(see.. I am here.. after just 2 days.. I will soon start writing daily.. as I used too.. )

the weekend..
I have worked a while in the garden..
and I noticed that I enjoy to garden on autumn sundays.. more than I do on spring sundays..

well I have finally found the reason =P
I am running away from kids who are doing the first weekend-homeworks of the scholar year...
they have so many excuses to get off the desks..to ask me .. questions..
to not to use dictionnaries..
so many distractions.. that I feel a swelling inside me..
and I fly off to the garden.. before exploding..

nope here they come .. they follow me outside..
all they want is motherly love and tenderness.. they say =)

''how do we say it is nice hot.. but I don't want the word ''warm''..
I want it to be sophisticated.. and I want to use it for describing the weather..
well the one thing I am not good at.. is translation..
I think and talk.. in all the languages I know..
I am forced to answer..
well .. eee...lemonade?? ..
he went on..
is this an adjective .. lemonade weather.. or what??..
I tried to run off.. but he insists..
finally.. WE have taken the dictionnary..
WE.. because.. he didn't by himself..
(is the dictionnary a wild animal or what else)..
I did.. taking him at my sides..

so I have managed to change some pots..
to rince pebbles and decors..
to take some things in .. some out..
I saluted a few snails and slugs..
they are so few this year due to hothothot weather..
that I salute them when I meet them .. they are under protection this year.. =P

I re-arrenged my pots.. at the front porch..
and placed some candle holders.. around them ..
I scissored the overgrown ivy..
and I have found the spare keys of the car..
DH was looking for them for a month..
they were under the ivy..
no-one knows how they have got there..

I did the things I promessed.. my hobby room.. remember..
the green heaven of mine

I have read blogs..
beautiful posts about crafts ..
and visiting Sandy I have noticed I am just on time for my fancy dress and join the bloglandia ball
well you will hear from me too..
=)

I read your comments.. and enjoyed them so much.. thanks for not forgetting this crazy woman..

I have changed a bit my blog's appearence..
grey.. is the autumn sky.. cool..
the image at the top of the page..
is Istanbul..
the ships are called ''vapur'' .. dating back to the french.. ''à vapeur'' ..(steam-boat)..
they are not steamed any more.. but the word is used for ''ship''.. in Istanbul.. although the we have a perfect ''gemi'' for all Türkiye.. Istanboulotes prefer vapur..
oh I live in a peculiar city =)

the vapurs.. and the seagulls.. and the beautiful lavender coloured sky.. the bluish-greenish sea.. they are perfect for the blog..

there are some more changes..
I have prepared a corner on the right side..
things under protection..
this will be a corner for people I have loved but not met in person..
people or objects who need to be protected.. and remembered.. from my point of view..
for my personal reasons.. I will tell you about them.. their stories.. ou might finf interesting too..
I have added.. the links of my three blogs in turkish..
just to see how they are..

I will change the music..
and sometimes the words..
as I love.. misty voices..( and misty voices) man or female.. we will hear some misty turkish rock groups..
'' to be happy is in your power..
do not forget..
they don't appreciate.. do not cheat yourself..
do not wear yourself out..''
there will also be some other changes..

we'll see .. we'll see..

Back again.. ?th time =)

Short summary..

I am back..
I have finished my holiday time.
As every year, I went to my summer house in the southern part of Aegean sea.
Beautiful surroundings,pine forests, fresh sea breeze,the cicadas (les cigalles.. as a more romantic saying) , no news, no tv, no disturbances.
It was a rejuvenating refreshing zen like experience to my much harcelled soul.

I decided to call it my iguana holiday.
No more movements than just the necessary ones, and in a very slow motion speed.
Not an attractive holiday style for those who like the lively.. sportive leisure time..
But I do have a most culturally active and lively city life during winter, so
a bit of inactivity will do no harm.

When back..
I finished school preparations of the kids.
have out-grown all their school uniforms,it is funny to notice how they grow during summer,dear passion flowers of mine =);
and they have already started their school.

So... I can restart blogging .
I can restart to tell you about life..in Istanbul..in my house..in my kitchen.. even in my hobby room.. I hope..
Don't worry, no more lamenting on this blog, even though there is a lot to worry about in my country.
I have decided to share my feelings and I will let you know what happens in here, from time to time.

First amongst all..
Daily life..

I am trying to tidy up nowadays..
tidy up the house and the garden too..
The ecological changes have struck my small garden ..
As we were warned about the limitation of water consumption in Istanbul..
this summer, I had not planted any perennials.
Some self seeding plants have come out by themselves ..
but they were not very happy to be here..

Even at the hottest time of the summer.. I have watered the remaining evergreens ..
just enough to not let them die back totally..
those of you who take care of a garden must know it becomes like your kid..
you start to care about it with passion..
and it really frustrated me.. to see them bend their necks during day time..
we just survived the summer .. my garden and me..
and now the rainy days are doing them so good..to me too following the hot hot humid weather..
My pear tree had plenty of fruits.. they have got ripe in a week..
they re all waiting to be picked up.. and to be cooked.. My preferred jam..is
a cinnamon scented golden puree that I use while making pear pies..cookies..

I have also started to make plans for next year..
I will dig up a few evergreens and relocate them for a more balanced look..
change the place of the garden seats..
re-arrange the decorations to be visible from the inside..
and change the soil of the house plants..and take them inside..including the tree ..
Do you remember.. my ''tree in the house''..once again will be moved into the house..
the same as I did for the last 19 yrs..

Habits.. routines.. things we are accomodated to do.. are building a security wall around us..
this is an undistinguished wall .. that we notice if we loose or fear to loose it..

I wish to all of you .. a wonderful beautiful autumnal weekend..
and start my daily round on your blogs ..

=)

don't like be depressive..
and can't hold on to depressive mood..
Sandy asked me What??
maybe nothing maybe.. a lot..
we better not to take credit over misfortunes.. bad news..
now..

I am leaving for a holiday..
hope that I will feel better.. and write happier..
when back..

sea.. sun.. beach..
trees and silence..

feeling.. listening..

good morning..
blog..
and friends..
hope you have a better weekend then me..

another awkward day..
making me feel like a stranger....
a tv channel has been attacked..
by people reacting to the name of a dog .. at a serial..
hüseyin..
this is common human name..
which also was the name of one of the chalifs..

hundreds of people went to the main building of the channel where many people were working at this time..
protesting.. shouting.. and they were stopped by police force..
who had to use gas bombs..
the channel has promessed to make excuses at the news .. and they went away..
the aggression of the crowds.. is becoming more prominent..
they disturbed me..
they stressed me..

access to the wordpress internet site was blocked by the turkish telecom.. for one day..
the director of wordpress declared ''I didn’t realize turkey had a great firewall like china. this is really unfortunate because we have a really passionate turkish community that gets about 12 million pageviews a month''

the freedom of writing/reading could not be that vulnerable..
if something wrong was detected.. warning could be made.. words.. against words.. not blockade.. not forbidding..

I.. who have explained to my kids..
even when they were 2 yrs old..
why they shouldn't do something..
for hours..
never.. saying forbidden..

yes..
I .. feel awkward..
I am laughing.. but inside.. I feel stressed..
tip of the iceberg feeling..
will I wake up one day
and see no access to the internet..
heavy censuring on the media..
I don't know..
this makes me feel unsecure..

otherwise..
in my simple personal life..
I am ok..
going out..
discussing with my young friends..
having lots of time with my kids..
working..
making preparations for school time..
dreaming about a late vacation to my summer house..

maybe I shouldn't listen to the news..
they affect me deeply..but then I wouldn't learn.. what's happening..
******

do you like the music..
this is a turkish rock group..
says..
I can't give my pain away to you..

we can't..
maybe we can share.. we can try to understand the reason..
but we can't give it away..

a stranger in her own country

It has been a long time I know..

It was something that irritated me too..

a blogger who stops writing with no known reasons..
I believe this is ..

because we care about people we know...

and we start to know people .. their thoughts.. and their life.. byreading their posts..and by viewing their photos..
so I started to worry when someone stopped writing..

especially when the last post indicated to some problems.. like mine..

well I am not sure I will be writing every day..

but I will go on blogging as frequently as I can..

about how I feel and live nowadays..

I first want to thank to you all for your comments to my last post.. showing your affection ..

I told you there were some public reactions about the government in my country..

reactions of those who are feeling and living as modern world's citizens..

the election of the president has not been possible under the circumstances ..

so there has been a general election on the 22 th of july..

It was not a surprise for me ..

although we were hoping a democtatic and laicist parliement majority..

to see the results..

Our hopes faded in the evening of the election day..

the results were clear..

1 people on two.. voted for AKP..

well .. we used to say.. how happy it is to say..''I am turkish '' ( a motto of the first days of the republic.. just to unite all ethnic and religious groups and to create a nation )

now we say how happy you are .. to the 1/2..

Here are the results of the elections..

AKP (islamist): 340 is the majority..

CHP(social democrate): 112

MHP(nationalist): 71

BAĞIMSIZ(individuals): 27

20 of the individuals united and became the DTP (kurdish) group.. on the 8th of august..

so now the list goes on..

DTP : 20

and individuals 7

now comes the election for the president of the republic..

the canditate is A. Gül..

and I believe he will make it this time..

how happy for them..

and the mills are turning..

how I feel??..

I do agree with Franco Frattini (European Commission - Vice-President Commissioner ) ..

he send a message to the first minister.. saying to take good care of the ''laicist minority''..

yes I was feeling different.. but now I know..

I looked at the conditions to be determined as minority.. it says'' being different in any way from the majority of the country ''

I am part of a minority in my country.. so beware..

why do I feel so??..

well .. for example when I am reading at internet news ( most of the media is under the pressure of the government.. and we worry about the internet service .. we shall see..)

that the Minister of Internal Affairs, eats risotto at an official dinner....

likes it very much and..

while telling his appreciation to the cook .. l

earns there is wine within the risotto..

throws away the plate and accuses the governer and punishes him by taking his post..

expells him..

I feel awkward..

a stranger in her own country..

that is how I feel..

*****************

the photos..

are of the first president of the Republic of Türkiye..Atatürk and his wife and family .. on 1927

and of the candidate for the presidency and his wife and daughter .. on 2007..

how happy they are..

last days of pompei..

dear ladies..
my beautiful friends..
I am sure you must ask to yourself.. what is happening..why this lady has changed so much..and what are those pictures.. those..flags and posts..well.. I have to write something.. don't I..?? as this is not a newspaper but a blog.. my blog.. my feelings..

I will not try to give you a history lesson..
I am trying to tell you about how insecure I feel..as a woman..as a mother...
every time I wake up.. or do somehing.. I have a little voice behind my head.. whispering..
some things are going on..
something is going terribily wrong..
some things that will change my country from top to bottom.. therefore my life..
some things that we are really frightened.. are being prepared..
that is how we feel..how I feel ..insecure and suspended..from life..

I despise politicians..If I have to do a summary.. here is the reason..
when the social democrate and liberal parties were the government..
when they had the power..
they have not changed the weak electorial system..
because it suited them..
there is a levelling system..
if a certain party doesn't reach a certain percentage of votes..
it is not presented at the parliement..
and small radical nationalist .. islamist parties were never reaching this level..
and it suited them..the liberalist and the social democrates.. never feared ..

and then the corruption reached them..
the people ..the nation was not satisfied by their policies and reacted..
by not voting for them.. buy not voting at all....
and at the last election the islamist party won..
this was a schock for all of us..intellectuals.. educated people had reacted by not voting..
they took the risk..
and the social democrates were in the parliement but were in minority..
the liberal.. nationalist.. communist parties were even not presented..
the reason is ..
there are so many parties..on the same wing of the political system..
but stealing votes from each other..
we have corrupted the democratic system..

and now the minority of the voters (21%of the votes) is presented by the majority of the parliement..
and each time they tried to change one of the basic laicist rules..
the president of the republic ..
who is the last person to decide about the laws..
has refused and send back without signing..
and now this parliement is going to choose a new president..the last fort of the secular republic is at risk..
with this change they will be able to change all ..
the educational laws..
the health laws.. all the laws..
and definitely our lives..

I don't thing that any other country's resident will understand this..
but if you don't belong to a certain place.. a certain nation..
you think about them as yourself..
well..being at the border of the islamic world..being at the border of the middle east..is always a risk..high risk..
imagine yourself.. as forced to live at the inquisitions time..
these changes we have fears about.. are going to drive us in it..

and the politicians are still the same..
still not united..
still quarrelling..
and you know this is not someting you can change by voting any more..
before the elections for the parliement..
everything could have been changed..

we may have different political choices..but finally we all are happy to live in democracy.. therefore there are still some meetings prepared..
just to warn..
warn about..
that we are many who believe in democracy..in a secular system..
because the leading party believes..it is over..
that they are the winners..
that they are the majority..
they give speeches ..
so sure of themselves..so despising..
the places ..streets boulevards were overcrowded on the 14th of april..
the guest book of the mausolee of Atatürk was signed by 538 000 people on one day..
but the prime minister keeps saying..
''how many are them???..
they say a million.. is zero such a simple number to place after another number..
I don't believe they were too many..''

how can a president be so despising againts the people he is leading..
what is this?? a game..
I believe he had to say..something explanatory .. something with empathy ..
to the nation..
you don't lead your country by quarreling with and humiliating the people..

these meetings will go on..
just to try to show them.. we.. civils.. we are many..
we don't belong to a certain political fraction ..
to a certain group.. we are individuals united by reason ..
we are not agitated or guided by other people..
we are just individuals reasoning the same..
we all want to go on living in.. a secular democratic republic ..

tomorrow is the foundation day of the Republic of Türkiye ..
under normal circumstances..
this is celebrated as the national children's day..
and for many years now.. the international children's day..

this week we have learned that there will be a contest of Koran reading.. amongst children..
for the celebration of the prophet's birth week..on the republic day..
what is this..??
a quarrel between the prophet and the founder of the country??..is this possible??..
this must be a dream..no a nightmare..
and as people have reacted..
they delayed the contest..

this republic was founded..on the 23th of april at 1920 ..
in the middle of nowhere..in a country without borders..
during a war..
by a very wise man..and people around him who were believing to the impossible..
and now.. here we go again .. is it so..??..

the last day of appliance for the persons to be voted as president..
is the 25th of april.. until midnight..
they have to be backed by 110 parliementers..
who will be on the list??..
and ..on the 26th of april..
how will we be??..still unsecure??.. better??.. assured..??I don't know..

I feel we are on a roller coaster..
and the mechanics are all gone crazy..
I cannot imagine the future..
I cannot tell my children..
to keep on studying.. to become..
to keep on being xxx.. to become..
all my values are upside down..
I don't know if my son.. a sweet 17teen..
will be at shool or.. in the middle of a war..next year..
I am not sure..if my daughter will be able to go to school..
make ballet performances..
or even be able to go out shopping by herself..
in a few years.. will she be under veils??
or will she become the comedian she wants to become..??
so I am not talking with them about the future anymore..
I cannot..and I feel terrible..

when I try to craft or garden ..
I start to think..will this be your only occasion for life??.. staying home and crafting..or gardening..
will you be able to go out.. at open places..by yourself..?? to buy some new plants..
talk with the man at the garden center..
and I stop.. doing whatever I have started to do..

there was aPTA at the school of my daughter last week..
and we were joking this might be last time we worry about their french level.. or maths ..
black humour..


after or before the elections..
will there be.. an army reaction (which we all rely on.. against all our democratic aspects)..funny huh??or will there be street fights??..or will there be nothing..??

will we hit the bottom..??
do we need this.. to understand the importance of our country and life..??
I sometimes believe we do..
as our leader for all times.. Atatürk has thought about all the details of human rights while founding this republic....
we never had to fight for them ..
and we are like adolescents..
who want to try for themselves..
make their own faults..
and learn the right way.. by their own experience..
we have not understood the value of what was given to us..
maybe this is the right way to obtain it..??
maybe we had to.. have to.. fight to for this..??

but for now.. I am scared..
I really am..
and when I go outside..
into this beautiful.. wise and old city around me..
which has seen soo many ..
full of people working.. having fun..going to concerts..movies..buying houses.. getting married..
with springtime around..
I feel awkward..

but I know..
we all are like trapped in a horror movie..
at the first scream..
at the first alert..
everything can come upside down..

and I keep saying to myself..
the last days pompei..is it so??..
but on a national base.. this means war.. struggle between brothers....

well this is how I feel..
and this is why this blog has.. flags.. news.. anouncement..
just to give myself a secure place.. a little of assurance...................

if the main subject is the country.. everything else.. is detail

would you mind about some details..

we were compassianate we were handicapped but powerful
we were beautiful
we were young but not inexperted

we were the poppy fields..
the turkish press tried to stay disinterested..
but after they saw the crowds..
they too couldn't stay away..
..
we came from every where..
..
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

plato

we are walking for our laicist republic...

there are whispering voices..are you coming?? of course.. and you?? .. sure I do..
we are all going.. those who can't..
are hanging their flags to their houses..
flags are important for us..
I mentionned before..
............
Ankara is going to be poppy field tomorrow..
red flags..
we are coming even from Bangkok.. from europe..
all who believe in the value of our republic.. enthrusted to each of us.. by Atatürk..
and we are so many..
............
the weak parts of the electorial system..
the patience of those waiting in the dark.. for their day..
will never overcome..
.............
we were warned..
Our all time leader told us..
I enthrust the republic to you..

he told us..

Turkish Youth!
Your first duty is forever to preserve and to defend the Turkish Independence
and the Turkish Republic.This is the very foundation of your existence and your
future. This foundation is your most precious treasure.

In the future, too, there may be malevolent people at home and abroad who will
wish to deprive you of this treasure.

If some day you are compelled to defend your independence and your republic,
you must not tarry to weigh the possibilities and circumstances of the situation
before taking up your duty. These possibilities and circumstances may turn out
to be extremely unfavourable. The enemies conspiring against your independence
and your republic, may have behind them a victory unprecedented in the
annals of the world.
It may be that, by violence and ruse, all the fortresses of your beloved
fatherland may be captured, all its shipyards occupied, all its armies dispersed
and every part of the country invaded. And sadder and graver than all these
circumstances, those who hold power within the country may be in error,
misguided and may even be traitors.
Furthermore, they may indentify their personal interests with the political
designs of the invaders. The country may be impoverished, ruined and exhausted.
Youth of Turkey''s future,
Even in such circumstances it is your duty to save the Turkish Independence
and Republic.
You will find the strength you need in your noble blood.
Gazi Mustafa Kemal Atatürk..........
..................
we are.. now under many risks.. from inside and outside..
and first..
we are walking to our father's grave..
to thank him for the warning..
and that we are care of our future.. and his thrust..

my long distance angel..

I have an angel..
out there.. in the southern-eastern part of the world..
she is a quiet.. calm.. joyful lady..
I have found her blog about six months ago.. theshoppingsherpa..
and have started to leave her messages.. after a while..
she doesn't know.. but I have read all her posts..
the old people say.. '' kendine münhasır'' which means'' special to herself.. in my country..
this means a personality that you cannot categorize..
I love her posts.. short.. and bright..full of sense of humour.. uncategorizable.. she can craft.. travel.. shop.. or design.. and she writes about all these.. in her own way..

yes dear bloggers..I like many of your posts.. but what makes her special for me.. is.. that.. she is the one to remind good intentions and empathy.. and frienship.. and this on the right time.. when it is most needed..

you know I was.. sad .. because of this terrorist.. this fanatic young man who shot a journalist in the middle of MY city.. MY country..
can something make you feel completely a foreigner to where you belong to your own society.. ??
yes .. this was the effect of this crime on me..

and coming home from work.. there was a parcel waiting for me..
with a white angel hidden in it.. ( can you see this stubborn tiny face.. this is the expression of a child who insists for something.. but insists cheerfuly.. knowing inside that she is irresistable.. as loved little kids know ..she is so sweet..)
she send me an angel.. the moment I most needed..

thank you .. so much..
for bringing me back.. from sadness.. to belief in humans..

as I told you..
you are my long distance angel.. from now on..
thank you..

and here she goes.. on my all white table.. next to her older sisters..
she looks quite happy..
how do you think????


ps.. I don't even mention the chocolates which kept her company for all the way..
kids have finished them in 10 min.. not even my angel could protect them..=))

where do pigeons go..

I AM SAD..
I AM FURİOUS..
TERROR HAS WON .. AGAIN.. HUMANITY HAS LOST.. AGAIN.. FREEDOM.. HAS LOST AGAIN..
IN MY CITY.. 100 m. TO THE PLACE I WORK.. A JOURNALİST.. AN INTELLECTUAL.. WAS KILLED .. ON THE WALKWAY.. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON.. SHOT.. TO DEATH..
I AM SPEECHLESS.. HE WAS A JOURNALIST.. AIMING FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH.. HISTORY.. HIS WEAPON.. WAS WORDS.. IDEAS.. HE IS THE 62 TH JOURNALIST.. IF YOU CLICK ON YOU WILL SEE THE LIST AND DATES.. IT IS THE TURKISH JOURNALISTS LOUNGE 'S WEB ADRESS..THEY WERE ALL KILLED FOR WHAT THEY HAVE WRITTEN..I HAVE WITNESSED SOME THESE ASSASINATIONS.. I FELT GUILTY ABOUT EACH..
EACH TIME I HEARD THIS SAME SENTENCE..''DID YOU HEAR.. IS SHOT''.... I FELT PETRIFIED.. THEY WERE WRITING.. NEWS.. TRUTH.. IDEAS.. WORDS.. SOME HAVE BEEN SHOT.. 2 HAVE BEEN KILLED BY A BOMB PLACED INTO THEIR CARS.. IN PIECES..
BUT HRANT IS SPECIAL FOR WORLD'S NEWS.. AND TURKIYE'S HISTORY.. HE IS THE FIRST ARMENIAN.. HE WILL BE REMEMBERED SO.. ARMENIAN JOURNALIST.. AND THIS WAS NOT THE ADJECTIVE HE WANTED TO BE CITED WITH..
HIS SOUL WILL BE SAD.. BECAUSE DURING ALL HIS LIFE HE HAD BEEN SENSITIVE ABOUT THIS.. ABOUT BEING A TURKISH CITIZEN..
NOW HE HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM HIS FAMILY.. FROM HIS READERS.. FROM OUR COMMUNITY.. AN HE WILL ALSO BE CARRIED TO ANOTHER DIMENSON..
YESTERDAY.. I HAVE ATTENTED TO THE PROTEST MARCH.. WHERE THOUSANDS CAME.. BECAUSE I FELT SO LONELY.. I WANTED TO SHARE HUMAN WARMTH.. THE WARMTH OF PEOPLE I LOOK ALIKE.. NOT THOSE COOL CRIMINALS..
THE CROWDS.. WERE SHOUTİNG .. WE ARE ALL ARMENIAN.. WE ARE ALL HRANT..
BUT TO WHAT DOES IT SERVE..
I WOULD LIKE TO TRANSLATE A PART OF ONE OF HIS ARTICLES..
'' I AM LIKE A PIGEON.. I HAVE AS MANY EYES AS THEM ..LOOKING BACK FRONT..LEFT RIGHT.. AND AS QUICK WITH MY HEAD MOVEMENTS AS THEM.. YES .. I MIGHT SEE MY SOUL IN A NERVOUSNESS OF A PIGEON.. BUT I KNOW THAT IN THIS COUNTRY PEOPLE DO NOT TOUCH THE PIGEONS..PIGEONS CAN LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF CITIES, WITHIN THE CROWDS.. MAYBE A BIT NERVOUS.. BUT AS FREE AS PIGEONS.. WHERE DO PIGEONS GO WHEN THEY DIE..
FAREWELL HRANT .. LAY IN PIECE.. IN PIECE FOR WHICH YOU HAVE WORKED SO HARD..

***************************

update.. on.. 21.01.2007

today the police has declared that the criminal has been caught..

he is 21.. close friend to the bomber of Mc Donalds in Trabzon..

his view was captured by street cameras at the place where he killed Hrant Dink..

and was published in daily newspapers and on tv ..

his father has recognised him..

and called the police..

saying that his son has left.. 3 days ago.. telling them he is going to Istanbul..

and the police.. spotting his friends.. and phone calls.. caught him..at the bus station..

good for justice..

a little relief for the family of Hrant..

nothing is changed for Hrant..

and think once..

what would you do if you recognised your son.. wanted.. for homicide..

this must have been a very hard moment for a parent.. I am sorry.. for the father ..

and believe he must be a brave man..

to denounce his own son..

*****************************

funny watery windy travel tradition..

now I have a story..
not an emotional one .. this time .. a funny one..
but before.. I have to give some explanations..so that you can understand the funny part.
In my country..there are many many tradiotions and rituals.. I know you are now thinking.. so what.. in all countries there are..

but the more you go to the east.. the more you have traditions..
don't forget the sun rises from east =)) and I am an eastern..

so when someone we love is departing.. for travel..
we are pouring a jug of water on the road.. throwing it as far as we can.. at the same direction that the vehicle he takes starts moving.. saying out loud .. go as the water ../ sular gibi git / .. and we say silently.. as an inner voice.. come back as the water../sular gibi dön/..this part is silent.. to not to attract the attention of evil.. sometimes.. we have a wetting accdent when doing it.. but this is a minor trouble if compared to all others..

the water finds its way.. has always a way to go..
and we believe that the loved one will travel swiftly.. without an accident.. and will come back soon without trouble.. =)).. that is the important part.. coming back..

so today..I have finally posted the long ago promessed contribution to Kim's project.. I am a bit late but .. you will excuse me.. I told you earlier about my mood.. nor being crafty and all.. so Kim forgive me.. I did it finally right??
I went to the hospital.. and asked my assistant ( male- 40 ) to take the parcel to the post office.. and ask if there are faster ways of sending..and so..

he came back saying he did send it..
I suddenly felt awkward .. because it was not me in person who posted it as I wished.... and an uncontrolled question came out ..
-did you say.. have a good journey??
quickly came the answer..
- yes but I did not throw out water..
-no.. don't.. we don't want it to come back.. we want it to reach Kim..

and I laughed out loud..
this is not the normal conversation at the hospital you know..
we talk about how to manipulate.. take care.. give service to the patients..
not about rituals and so..
when I think back.. we should.. =))

yes it is on it's way.. the post-office man told that t will arrive to the destination in 7 days .. which means in 10 days.. Kim..
and you bloggers and visitors..don't wait for a photo.. I did not take any photos.. it will be a surprise for her.. and if she likes she will post it on her blog.. all I can tell is the theme title I choose for it..
' women of different culture and eras.. united by craft'
all you have as a photo today.. is the windmill .. near my summer cottage..
why did I chose it..

well you can accept it as an energetic goodbye gesture to the parcel..

or find a wise saying of your own..
have a nice day.. nicest of all..
ps.. I have tried to visit all of my blogger friends since yesterday.. but some pages insist on no-downloading.. so if you haven't heard from me.. for some time.. it is not me to blame.. but the web.. I will come and try again soon.. until then..

new year.. new ... start

first decision on the first days of the year.. not to be so emotional on the december to come.. be cool and objective about things to do.. gifts to buy..or craft.. I first started by organizing my pc .. too many photos.. not used..not good enough to be used.. not titled.. I have found.. some more pictures of the new year's decorations around the city..
stars.. lights..

red.. green..this one is at 2.30 am 01.01.2007 .. two and a half hours gone bye.. from the new year.. this is Taksim square.. globes.. and traffic.. can you see behind..

there was such a traffic that we had to park the car far away from the square and... walk..

taksim is the square where 4 main boulevards are meeting.. one of them being the Pera street.. I showed you photos of this street before.. during day time..

days never end in Pera.. it is the night club area.. and as no cars are allowed.. you have to walk.. ideal for 'pub crawling'.. as the english say..

there are small bars everywhere.. blues bars.. rock bars.. popbars..

that's where we headed for.. after the party with the family..
back at home in the morning.. we have spend most of the day sleeping.. in bed or in front of tv..

later I looked through the gifts once again..

the one I like best.. most.. is.. the writing set.. a nostalgic one.. complete with the ink..

can you guess the colour of the ink.. purple of course..

now it is time for a wish for the new year..

remember my spot under my tree-in-the-house..

my tree is shedding leaves.. and here is an inspiration for the new year wish..

I wish me- you- we all leave behind.. fallen.. broken.. sad memories and events ..

and can face the new year.. being as prepared.. and organized as a new start.. to a chess game..

as I mentioned organised.. I should be going now.. to organize.. my long forgotten craft room..

get rid of the gift package rests.. ribbons.. tags and so.. and have a new start.. to the new year..

hope sharing some crafting in the days to come..