Sunday, April 22, 2007

last days of pompei..

dear ladies..
my beautiful friends..
I am sure you must ask to yourself.. what is happening..why this lady has changed so much..and what are those pictures.. those..flags and posts..well.. I have to write something.. don't I..?? as this is not a newspaper but a blog.. my blog.. my feelings..

I will not try to give you a history lesson..
I am trying to tell you about how insecure I feel..as a woman..as a mother...
every time I wake up.. or do somehing.. I have a little voice behind my head.. whispering..
some things are going on..
something is going terribily wrong..
some things that will change my country from top to bottom.. therefore my life..
some things that we are really frightened.. are being prepared..
that is how we feel..how I feel ..insecure and suspended..from life..

I despise politicians..If I have to do a summary.. here is the reason..
when the social democrate and liberal parties were the government..
when they had the power..
they have not changed the weak electorial system..
because it suited them..
there is a levelling system..
if a certain party doesn't reach a certain percentage of votes..
it is not presented at the parliement..
and small radical nationalist .. islamist parties were never reaching this level..
and it suited them..the liberalist and the social democrates.. never feared ..

and then the corruption reached them..
the people ..the nation was not satisfied by their policies and reacted..
by not voting for them.. buy not voting at all....
and at the last election the islamist party won..
this was a schock for all of us..intellectuals.. educated people had reacted by not voting..
they took the risk..
and the social democrates were in the parliement but were in minority..
the liberal.. nationalist.. communist parties were even not presented..
the reason is ..
there are so many parties..on the same wing of the political system..
but stealing votes from each other..
we have corrupted the democratic system..

and now the minority of the voters (21%of the votes) is presented by the majority of the parliement..
and each time they tried to change one of the basic laicist rules..
the president of the republic ..
who is the last person to decide about the laws..
has refused and send back without signing..
and now this parliement is going to choose a new president..the last fort of the secular republic is at risk..
with this change they will be able to change all ..
the educational laws..
the health laws.. all the laws..
and definitely our lives..

I don't thing that any other country's resident will understand this..
but if you don't belong to a certain place.. a certain nation..
you think about them as yourself..
well..being at the border of the islamic world..being at the border of the middle east..is always a risk..high risk..
imagine yourself.. as forced to live at the inquisitions time..
these changes we have fears about.. are going to drive us in it..

and the politicians are still the same..
still not united..
still quarrelling..
and you know this is not someting you can change by voting any more..
before the elections for the parliement..
everything could have been changed..

we may have different political choices..but finally we all are happy to live in democracy.. therefore there are still some meetings prepared..
just to warn..
warn about..
that we are many who believe in democracy..in a secular system..
because the leading party believes..it is over..
that they are the winners..
that they are the majority..
they give speeches ..
so sure of themselves..so despising..
the places ..streets boulevards were overcrowded on the 14th of april..
the guest book of the mausolee of Atatürk was signed by 538 000 people on one day..
but the prime minister keeps saying..
''how many are them???..
they say a million.. is zero such a simple number to place after another number..
I don't believe they were too many..''

how can a president be so despising againts the people he is leading..
what is this?? a game..
I believe he had to say..something explanatory .. something with empathy ..
to the nation..
you don't lead your country by quarreling with and humiliating the people..

these meetings will go on..
just to try to show them.. we.. civils.. we are many..
we don't belong to a certain political fraction ..
to a certain group.. we are individuals united by reason ..
we are not agitated or guided by other people..
we are just individuals reasoning the same..
we all want to go on living in.. a secular democratic republic ..

tomorrow is the foundation day of the Republic of Türkiye ..
under normal circumstances..
this is celebrated as the national children's day..
and for many years now.. the international children's day..

this week we have learned that there will be a contest of Koran reading.. amongst children..
for the celebration of the prophet's birth week..on the republic day..
what is this..??
a quarrel between the prophet and the founder of the country??..is this possible??..
this must be a dream..no a nightmare..
and as people have reacted..
they delayed the contest..

this republic was founded..on the 23th of april at 1920 ..
in the middle of nowhere..in a country without borders..
during a war..
by a very wise man..and people around him who were believing to the impossible..
and now.. here we go again .. is it so..??..

the last day of appliance for the persons to be voted as president..
is the 25th of april.. until midnight..
they have to be backed by 110 parliementers..
who will be on the list??..
and ..on the 26th of april..
how will we be??..still unsecure??.. better??.. assured..??I don't know..

I feel we are on a roller coaster..
and the mechanics are all gone crazy..
I cannot imagine the future..
I cannot tell my children..
to keep on studying.. to become..
to keep on being xxx.. to become..
all my values are upside down..
I don't know if my son.. a sweet 17teen..
will be at shool or.. in the middle of a war..next year..
I am not sure..if my daughter will be able to go to school..
make ballet performances..
or even be able to go out shopping by herself..
in a few years.. will she be under veils??
or will she become the comedian she wants to become..??
so I am not talking with them about the future anymore..
I cannot..and I feel terrible..

when I try to craft or garden ..
I start to think..will this be your only occasion for life??.. staying home and crafting..or gardening..
will you be able to go out.. at open places..by yourself..?? to buy some new plants..
talk with the man at the garden center..
and I stop.. doing whatever I have started to do..

there was aPTA at the school of my daughter last week..
and we were joking this might be last time we worry about their french level.. or maths ..
black humour..


after or before the elections..
will there be.. an army reaction (which we all rely on.. against all our democratic aspects)..funny huh??or will there be street fights??..or will there be nothing..??

will we hit the bottom..??
do we need this.. to understand the importance of our country and life..??
I sometimes believe we do..
as our leader for all times.. Atatürk has thought about all the details of human rights while founding this republic....
we never had to fight for them ..
and we are like adolescents..
who want to try for themselves..
make their own faults..
and learn the right way.. by their own experience..
we have not understood the value of what was given to us..
maybe this is the right way to obtain it..??
maybe we had to.. have to.. fight to for this..??

but for now.. I am scared..
I really am..
and when I go outside..
into this beautiful.. wise and old city around me..
which has seen soo many ..
full of people working.. having fun..going to concerts..movies..buying houses.. getting married..
with springtime around..
I feel awkward..

but I know..
we all are like trapped in a horror movie..
at the first scream..
at the first alert..
everything can come upside down..

and I keep saying to myself..
the last days pompei..is it so??..
but on a national base.. this means war.. struggle between brothers....

well this is how I feel..
and this is why this blog has.. flags.. news.. anouncement..
just to give myself a secure place.. a little of assurance...................

9 comments:

autum said...

I'm thinnking of you and praying for you Pinar.

Britt-Arnhild said...

Oh Pinar. This comes from your heart and I can tell that you are really scared.
I am with you in my thoughts, and understand how hard it must be to keep on a normal life when things are like this.....

Keep on. Stay erect. You are strong. No one can take away your free mind!

jessica said...

dear pinar,
i hope your country and the world to be at peace, to be in balance. you are amazing to know all that is happening in your country and to try to make a difference. i wish you strength.
jessica

dogfaeriex5 said...

pinar~
i wish that life wasnt so hard and frustrating and everyone could get along..i am wishing and sending you good thoughts, peace and prayer and you are in my heart, my friend..
xoxo~kim

Cat said...

Pinar,

I feel at a loss for words.

You are in my prayers.

Please keep posting and let us know how things go.

Cat.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jessica said...

pinar.
i hope you are all right.
hugs,
jessica

caroline said...

you have been quiet for so long - is everything OK?

Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

Pinar, I've had a long break from blogging and am only now reading thins very moving post. I am hugging you from Canada. I wish that you could feel certain of your future.