It all started after I saw a P .. yes .. my name is Pinar.. it means a ''source'' in my language.. in turkish I mean..
I have been crafting for ages.. using my hands.. and thinking..about everything .. that's how I can rest.. then I have started blogging about .. crafts..and thoughts.. and also went around in the internet .. into people's life and crafts.. inspirations.. there have been some blogs I visit regularly.. sometimes while commenting.. I gave them my turkish blog's adress.. as I use lots of images .. they answer me.. that they don't understand wath I write ( well I was sure of it ).. but they have looked at the pictures.. and I wanted to share with them..the crafting-thinking period.. because we crafters can see beyond the product.. behind the stiches.. all the crafting and finishing touches.. give so much clues about your personality.. we are overt.. to those who can see.. we are also pride.. to show and talk about our creations.. if no.. why having blogs..
yesterday I have visited arttealife and I have seen the P... well I was reading her of course.. and was very impressed about her way of thinking.. so close to mine.. when I see sepia photos of people.. personal belongings which have ended in a shop .. or a sale.. I love buying things..feeling I will give them a new home.. but I can't stop myself about thinking why-oh-why these things are not in the possession of their family..
my mother kept saying she would destroy all her personal letters and photos before she would die.. and then she had cancer.. and died within 6 months.. while she was sick I have been visiting her..everyday.. after work.. somedays I found her in her bedroom.. closing the drawers of her closet in a hurry .. but never suspected.. we wrote many letters to each other while I was working in a different city.. and she had kept them all .. her letters and mine.. in the same box where she was hiding my father's love letters ..written to her .. when they were engaged.. After her death I wanted those letters.. desperately.. but couldn't find.. just those I had written to her.. couldn't find any photos as well.. but she didn't throw all these started but not- finished projects.. little knick-knacks we all have.. single buttons.. small parcels of ribbon.. lots and lots of silk embroidery threads.. I took them all home.. I only have her handwriting on a box of DMC thread box.. a note she wrote to a friend for a swap I guess.. saying you can have all the yellowish colours in the box.. and give me fuscia and violet coloured ones..
was this.. what she was afraid of?.. was she worried that we would throw her photos and letters.. and they would pass in foreign hands.. I don't believe this was an impulsive reaction of rejecting everything and everybody.. as she said she would do it ..before being ill..
if so .. why didn't she throw those threads.. wools.. unfinished projects.. these were her aspirations as well.. well.. she was my mother ..I knew her .. but her choice of combining colours..creating a pathchwork pattern .. were sometimes telling me more about herself than her words did ..
I was thinking about these when I saw the P.. a monogram embroidery.. a perfect P .. with the colour and the style.. I asked if I could use the photo in my turkish blog.. and Sandy answered me so kindly..saying yes.. and commenting about my blog..
I had some monogrammed items myself.. found in my mother's closet..2 SA and CA embroidered on pillowcases..
.. and some appliqué- embroidered bed sheets (those were made in 57.. for my birth) and I made a simple patchwork using all (which I will embellish.. more .. after seeing all those over-embellished creations you all make).... I hope to pass it over to my daughter.. or who knows.. years later.. a lady like you.. like me.. will take it.. and ask herself who made this patchwork.. who embroidered these monograms..I wanted to use all together. . the P Sandy most kindly accepted to share with me.. my mother's S.. and My father's C.. alltogether in a mail..
but my turkish blogsite doesn't allow me today.. to post.. so I have to decided to create another one..in english.. because now I feel I have to share with you too.. Sandy.. and other crafters.. and vintage lovers.. and I feel we are all similar .. wherever we live.. at what age we are.. we love to create.. give another chance to the soul .. hidden in those stitches.. colours.. objects of a certain time..
ps.. a special note to Sandy.. I wrote a similar mail to my turkish blog as well (yes I succeded after all )... who would think that Zella would be recognised in Turkey as well.. =))
7 comments:
well welcome! that sandy is an inspiration to us all in our little blogging community! come visit with us and have some coffee & cake...
~k
Pinar, Sandy directed me to your new blog also and I am so glad she did....your thoughts are so deeply touching and make me feel so happy that we are all connected in such a wonderful way....Hopefully you can visit all of our blogs and we will come back to yours often and we will have a real crafty community! I have always wanted to visit Istanbul and can you believe I recently brought a CD called Turkish Groove...It has artists who I don't know, but you are probably familiar with... Bendeniz, Mustafa Sandal, Sertab, Nilgul, Tarkan, Gulseren, Emrah, Goksel, Tugba Ekinci, Nazan Oncel, and Sezen Aksu.......I want to find a CD of traditional Turkish music.....love, laura
Hi. My name is Julie, from Australia. Sandy also directed me to your blog. I have only read a little but look forward to reading your whole post whe I get home from work.
I know I am going to enjoy regular visits.
Cheers, Julie
Hello Dear Pinar !
I have read and re - read your blog entry here....
I wonder what your mother was thinking in the days after she found out she was so ill and going to die.
I thought about it deeply and I think you are right. She did destroy the photos and the letters because she did not want them to end up out in the world with strangers. If she did destroy them - I see that as her feeling control over something in her life when she must have been feeling like she had very little left that she could control.
I felt as if I could really understand that....I could see myself letting go of my life by letting these things that were mementos of meaningful things in life go. In my own way . In my own time.
I cannot help but wonder now if Zella was already on Angel Patrol Duty when I was going thru the things at her home that day and found the linen with the "P"...
Was your Mother urging Zella to give me the linen and open this doorway to you ? A way to say hello to you?
Because she knew you would recognize a sign ?
Am I being very fanciful in suggesting it at all ?
Well, let us just rejoice in the connection anyway. I still think there must be angels at work here.
Love, S.
ps. your english is very good !
hello pinar,
sandy guided me to your blog.
this is beautiful writing.
oh you have me in tears.
jessica
Pinar,
This is such a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. I have very little that was my mothers but I do have her embroidery floss. Everytime I use it and see her handwriting I feel a closeness to her.
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