Friday, July 18, 2008

when we get married..
we had to buy .. all that a house can need..
in two months..

we were both living with our parents..
and didn't have any furniture..
some bits and bobs..
but nothing enough for a house..

we didn't have much money nor time
we were working hard.. trying to get our specialisations..
and my DH.. he.. poor soul
was staying on duty at the hospital..
every other day.. and every other weekend..
from friday to monday..

so it was in a hurry that we furnished the flat that we had rented..
what was good for us.. it didn't need redecoration..
but choosing.. and buying furniture and placing them in the house was really a race against time..

when we thought that it was finished..
we have remarked we didn't choose any light fixture =P.. none at all..
bare bulbs hanging in some rooms =D.. none in the bedroom =P

I have learned then.. that..
I have a difficulty at
deciding about fixtures..

I had of course something on my mind.. but this was not in the shops..
it was quite similar to this one..

one day on the way to my maother-in-law's house for a dinner party..
I exclaimed .. I like this..
poor husband-to-be.. braked.. parked..
and ran to the shop..

he came back empty handed..
it was a family heirloom of the shop owner.. and was not for sale =(..
he told everyone.. saying SHE liked one lamp.. but it wasn't for sale.. =P..

years went by.. the house was complete..
we even changed some of the furniture but still didn't have any decent lamp..
we only had spotlights at the ceiling..
then one day my DH came with two sidelamps.. very similar to the one I wanted.. the lamp base was a reproduction..
but the glass was french opaline..
I liked them very much.. and cherished them.. as my first REALlamps..

one day coming back home from work.. to see that..
my son.. who was 10 yrs old at that time..
and many times warned about"not to play football in the living room"..
had broken one of the glass of my lamps..

I told him how they were precious for me..
warned him again about being careful about the rules of the house..
and told him I would try to find a similar glass and if I could..
I would make him pay from his pocket money..
there is a great building in town ..
all the locataires are antique dealers.. the horhor antikacılar çarşısı..
I went there the weekend, and I was lucky to find one very similar..
that fitted in the base..

a few weeks later..
I came home .. to find my boy .. handing me proudly a bunch of money..
"what are these for??" I asked..
"I have broken the other lamp" he answered..

he took his lesson.. as I pay.. so I can break..

well of course we talked over..
found another opaline shade this time having more difficulty in spotting one..
the anticaires told me that a hotel owner came and took all the opaline for the new hotel he was decorating..
I was leaving empty handed.. when a lady shop-owner told me she has only one.. a pinkish opaline..
if I accept.. it fitted the base.. but they were no more a pair..

what reminded me all these this morning..
is that..
I went in my dressing room today morning.. to get prepared to go to work..
and the lamp hanging in thşs room was broken..
this lampshade is special..
because it came from my mother's house..
she liked it so much..
and mee too..

there were no spills on the carpet..
I asked my daughter she didn't do it..
I asked the help.. she said she didn't know..
I even asked my DH..who said he doesn't have any ideas..
the only person I didn't ask is my son..
who now is 18..
I don't know if I should ask ..

what made me very sad is that ..
whoever broke it.. didn't tell me by his own..
did he or she think I don't notice anything..

I have decided to write two separate letters..
to my kids..
telling them why.. objects are precious to us..
and about the soul of the objects..
but I am not sure..

when I had visitied the glass ship wreck exhibition of the museum of bodrum..
I had looked at all these intact glasses..
which lied under deep water.. for thousand year.. and of the craftsman who made them..
and started to think about my mother ..
whom I lost the same year..
I understood that there is an important relation between mankind and glass..
a philosophy I resumed..
what can be the value of the left behind objectss.. when people who made..owned.. and cherished them are already gone..
the answer is ....nothing..

so in order not to break the heart of my kids..
for the lamp of my mum..
I write here.. how I feel..
just to comfort myself..

sorry mom..
we don't have a pink opaline any more..
but even without it.. you are always in my heart..


Ece said...

Now I understood what you ment yesterday on your Turkish blog.
So sad, but it's true..even without it, she'll be always in your heart.
Hoping that you'll find the same one in very near future.
Regards dear

Britt-Arnhild said...

A bittersweet story shared.

Some keepsakes can never be replaces.

burdasaklaniyorum said...

eşyaların benim için de değeri çoktur. bu duygudan sıyrılmayı denedim bazen. yaşamak daha kolay olsun diye. zira hem canlılar, hem cansızlar kalbini doldurunca bazen gerçekten yorucu oluyor. ama olmadı.
bir de 18'liğin yaptığı şey bana bi fıkra hatırlattı da güldüm.
bir arap şeyhi başka bir ülkeye, başka bir şehre gidiyor yanında uşağıyla ilk kez.
e insan hali, tuvalet ihtiyacı duyuyor.
ama nereye gitsin, nerden bulsun bilemiyor.
hem kendi sıkışık, hem uşak.
sonunda diyor ki uşağına
sen şöyle önümde dur da ben şu duvar dibine halledeyim.
ama şanssızlık bir polis görüp geliyor ve ceza kesiyor işte diyelim ki 50 dolar.
şeyh 100 dolar uzatıyor polise, açıklıyor:
uşak da yapacak!