Tuesday, September 19, 2006

P is for..longevity

'' thank you Sandy''

I really don't know if I will be able to tell what goes on..in my heart and soul.. because I am not sure if my english vocabulary is sufficiant for this.. nor my turkish vocabulary too..
this could be a short post.. saying.. look what the postman brought to me.. and look at these details.. and how the butterflies are looking alive.. and how Sandy is a wonderful person ( and she is for sure ) .. that she is so attentive to details.. look at these small rose.. coloured beads.. and the choice of the ribbon.. and a personal message she wrote to me.. and these heartwarming small tea packages she hid in the box..and how the P went well with my mother's glasses.. on her tray..and put the photos.. and this could be it..
but there are far more things I want to say..
my first post's title was.. it started with a P .. it started with the photo of a monogram embroidery on a linen towel.. and I liked it so much that I asked the permission of posting it on my turkish blog.. because my name was starting with a P.. well.. we all do such things.. start a conversation.. ask a favor to totally unknown people.. we are not expecting something unusual to happen.. we just do it spontaneously..
but.. what occured from this conversation is.. friendship..
because.. we shared similar feelings.. about persons.. objects.. past times.. families.. we went on mailing each other.. and in one of her mails Sandy announced me.. she wanted to send the P to me..
reacting just like a child .. taken aback.. I closed all the windows.. and turned off the PC in a hurry.. My husband looked up at me and said.. you look weard.. what happened??
I answered' Sandy wants to send it' to me.. of course he understood what I ment.. because it was one the new main subject in our house.. at dinner times.. when we gether at the table.. me ..my husband.. my daughter (12) and son(16) .. we start a conversation about what happened during the day.. and we have talked already about the P .. about Sandy's kind answer.. about my starting a blog in english.. and about the feelings as well..
thay day.. when I received the post.. I even left the house ( it was a sunday) and did not come back until very late in the evening.. before going to bed I looked at my mail again.. yes it was there.. it was real..
I did notwrite an answer.. not that evening.. but later.. eplaining the reason of the delay and saying an enthousiastic YES .. I WOULD LİKE TO HAVE İT.. SO MUCH..
you can ask yourself.. what is so awkward.. hey is this woman over-reacting.. is she nuts??
well no.. this is something you don't live every day.. this is not like a swap.. this is not an ordered gift.. you are waiting for.. this is not something you asked for.. this is some beautiful lady's beautiful mind you see.. behind this proposal.. and it is so shocking..
because..we all have people we love.. people we grove with.. people who love us.. and they make gifts to us.. they know us as we do know them.. sometimes.. and they try to spoil us.. facilitate our lives.. try to make it smoother for you.. we do the same for them..
but after a long time.. these behaviours do not surprise us.. not anymore.. .. when I am down .. I know one of my girlfriends will be there and propose me a dinner.. a pijama - party.. a small present.. my favourite coffee.. lots of tissues.. and they make me feel better at once.. provide comfort..this is acquired.. with time..
the emotions that started after Sandy's post is completely different..
you don't know the person.. (well I do a little bit better.. cause I have been reading her blog for a while.. but she doesn't).. it is just a mail or two.. and she offers you something.. which even from a photo.. took you years back.. to days when you were still your mother's daughter.. loved and protected..and approved.. as no other person than a mother can make you feel like..
Sandy made me miss her.. think about her behaviours just before her death.. in such a natural way..
I am nearly 50 yrs old.. and for a long time now.. I thought I understood that friendship requires.. hard work.. we don't do friends.. in minutes.. friends are tried and tested.. during life's journey.. some stay.. some go away.. remember the novel the little prince.. the part I loved most was the part where the prince meets the fox and they try to become friends.. remember what the fox said.. about rememberances.. missing someone.. if you don't.. you have to read the book again..
in these modern days.. people are living in big crowded cities.. but they are lonelier then ever.. everywhere you can read about security announces.. do not tell your adress or any personal information to strangers.. do not meet people in isolated places.. do lock the doors of your house of your car.. do not park in dark parking places.. do not this .. do not that.. and at the end.. we end living alone.. maybe more secure.. but insecure inside.. people around are our mirrors.. they show us.. who we are.. really.. what is the reaction we create.. as we live alone.. surrounded just by a few people in whom we thrust.. we become strangers to ourselves as well.. who are we..
what are our capabilities.. we are not sure about this at all.. and we become shy-er.. and more aggressive.. because we don't exchange energies and thoughts.. with other people.. we have started to fade out.. we lack life-energy.. we are looking at the TV.. at all the people dying in wars.. being murdered.. children dying of hunger.. mothers dying of AIDS.. people trying to leave their homeland.. chased after.. and we zap.. when was the last time you had tears in your eyes.. for someone you don't know.. which is even not from your country..
I believe this is hard for humans.. empathy is not just a word.. it is a feeling.. it is being able to put yourself at the place of someone else.. and try to find out what he feels.. and feelings are so important.. they can end lives.. they can start wars.. or peace.. love affairs..
I am sure we feel inside this lack of life-energy.. we have the input-data.. but no outward reaction.. why do you think so many people are trying to learn this eastern zen attitude.. and the reiki.. which are all based upon finding your own energy.. and making it work in harmony with the world's energy.. because.. we are not able to connect.. with our nearest neighbour.. who is left to us but ourselves.. so we go fetching our energy..inside..
no I refuse.. I prefer the energy of other people.. when they are down.. I will provide them.. when I am down.. I will take from them.. we will be in synchronization.. this is what human need.. we are social.. we need each other.. to get to know ourselves..
when I was learning to knit.. I showed my mother my work.. and she told me wether it was good or no.. one day.. she told me you have done it.. you mastered the art and maybe you do it better then me.. but I kept on showing her.. she always.. looked at my work.. then back to my face.. and then she smiled slowly.. a small smile.. not a bright big one like those of the advertorials.. a warm .. small smile.. and I felt approved.. after a few months of her death.. I finished knitting a sweater for my son.. with a horse head in the front.. I passed the wool under each stich so there were no lagging wool on the underside.. I asked to my husband.. did you like it.. he looked from the corner of his eye.. and said yeah.. he didnot see the detail.. I went on explaining him.. how hard it was to knit it that way.. how you can do it wrong.. and then I said.. you have to listen to this .. mama is dead.. and I don't know to whom I can show it.. but I have to..if I knit.. I have to interact.. why do you thing there are so many crafters and bloggers.. we want to create.. and interact..
while starting this post .. I wondered if I could be able to find appropriate words to write this.. but I fear now I wrote too long..
well.. what I mean is.. we have achieved something with Sandy.. we have connected our feelings.. we have exchanged our thoughts and energy .. this isn't just a package she send and I recieved.. this is an infusion of beautiful feelings..
on one of the tea packages.. it is written..longevity..
well I hope Sandy.. no.. I am sure Sandy.. that our's is a friendship .. ( even though we don't know small details abour ourselves).. and that it will go on for a long time.. forever..as predicted by this word..
I love you.. and I thank you.. for making me think again about all this human life details.. and maybe.. I will say hello.. often and louder and smile more to people around me.. and .. I will be more responsive to their needs.. and they will.. in return.. because I feel less worried now.. about
the worlds fate.. and life being so lonely.. because we did it..


Connie and Rob said...

Oh my you made me have tears in my eyes. This is just a beautiful post. Sandy will be so thrilled when she reads it. The monogramed towel is lovely. I think it has reached it's final destination. It was made for that spot.

Take care,

One Crabapple said...

I am so overwhelmed I cannot say a thing right now Pinar.

for one thing I cannot see !

I will have to write later.

This is a most amazing blog entry you have made...

I am humbled and overwhelmed.

I think my heart is cracking or something.

Love, S.

Anonymous said...

This is all so wonderful.

Julie H said...

What a beautiful post Pinar. Sandy is a wonderful lady and a kindred spirit in the art world. What a joy that you have connected and that she introduced you to us.

cally said...

I didn't have time to read any blogs, but I thought I'd just 'quickly' look at the post before the one I commented on, and it was this one, and it was amazing... and I read it all the way through. How wonderful.

Carol said...

Oh my Pinar! Short post ha ha! What a long and touching post this is *wipes off tears* Sandy is making the world a better place and you are too! You so deserved this P! I can totally relate to your feelings, I've had simialar feelings when I got in closer contact to a few lovely blogging friends. Life can be so wonderful!
I'm sending you a virtual hug xox

Dotee said...

Oh, what a beautiful post Pinar! I am tears after reading your words.
Sandy is loving, special person and she obviously sees the same in you.

Am very glad I found your blog and will return often.

Dotee (from Australia).

Margarita said...

We are all so lucky and blessed to have sandy in our lifes, she is an amzing lady that made this world a great place and worth it to live in.

Love your blog.

One Crabapple said...

oh I still can't read this without getting all messed up !


I just get all choked up and tears in my eyes. Silly ? I can't help it !

Love to you Miss Pinar.
This has been such a wonderful experience getting to know you and having the P linen be such a funny sort of key to it all.